Mental Health

  • Mental Health, The Academy

    ABD and in My Feelings

    Happy Holidays Angela!

    On Thursday, February 21st, 2019 I passed my qualifying exam with distinction! I am all but dissertation (ABD).  While I’ve had a number of ‘wins’ in the past, this is the first time in my entire life that I really feel like I’m OWNING and EMBODYING my success. I’m feeling quite a lot of #blackgirlmagic at the moment.  I couldn’t anticipate what it would feel like after passing such a major milestone, but I’ve found that I’m experiencing a host of different emotions.

    Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. 

    To start, I’m feeling relieved because it’s finally over. I’ve been formally preparing for this exam for at least four months, and by the end, I really found that I’d prefer to do anything but study. The other side of this relief is that it made me feel more sure that I am a PhD candidate-caliber thinker. I know that a subjective test can’t actually determine my abilities, but that’s how I feel, in part, because I nearly failed my first comprehensive exam. I’ve spent the last three years thinking that the only reason I didn’t fail outright is because the committee didn’t want to fail the one woman of color who actually sat for the exam. This win, with distinction, is the vindication I’ve longed for.

    There’s another side of me that is feeling extremely proud. I didn’t just pass, but I passed with distinction. I know that no one will actually ask me about this, and it’s not something I would just offer up, but it’s nice to know. Relatedly, I am extremely humbled to think that, with this degree, I am creating a generational legacy that will have reverberations that go far beyond me. Wow.

    Finally, I’m feeling pretty freaking powerful. This might sound arrogant of me, but in some ways, I’m not surprised that I passed. I put on my list of daily affirmations that I would 1) Study diligently in some way everyday; and 2) Pass my qualifying exam with distinction. That’s exactly what happened In some ways, when you are intentional about something, and you work like hell to get it, there really isn’t any surprise-just hard work. This leads me to ask, what else can I accomplish by believing in my own capabilities and working to make it happen? Anthropology award for best dissertation? Tenure-track or some other non-academic dream job upon graduation? Academic Muscle community of students across the country? Across the globe? Maybe I’m on to something here….

    Do yourself a favor and dream big. Now, dream even bigger.

    So, what’s next for me?

    I am officially leaving for fieldwork on Wednesday, March 27. I bought a one-way ticket to Cuba and plan to be there for 9 months to a year. In the meantime, I have to find someone to sublet my apartment, open a foreign bank account, put my things in storage, insert some logistical detail that I’m bound to overlook until the very last minute and, of course, plan a going away party.

    If I continue with this thinking that I am powerful beyond measure, there’s a strong chance, that I could do something really, really great with my research. My committee members seem to think that my project has the potential to really push the boundaries of anthropology and education. Who am I to think otherwise? There are adventures and chance meetings that I can’t even begin to anticipate. So, cheers to new adventures and holding on to this feeling!

  • Mental Health, The Academy

    Marathon Mindset

    people running during daytime
    Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

    I have exactly 19 days before I sit for my exam and   7 days until I’m supposed to turn in my finished bibliographies.  I definitely feel like I’m losing steam.  I’ve been preparing for  the last three months, and quite frankly, I’m just tired.

    In part, maybe I’m starting to feel this way because I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I’m more than halfway through my doctoral program!  I’ve already completed four years of course work and one year of exam preparation. All I have left is one year of fieldwork and then one year to write my dissertation and then go on the job market.  Surely, there are more hoops than just those few, but those are the major up coming challenges. I’m too far to turn back, but lord knows this is a loooooooooong road.

    itunes pic
    Myleike’s Website

    Luckily, big sis Myleike Teele came in for the win yet again.  In her recent live podcast with guest, Datwon Thomas, she talks about the Marathon Mindset or the idea of beginning a task knowing that things take time to develop and grow.  In this, you should not delay starting because nothing is ever perfect at the beginning. Before now, I hadn’t been thinking about an actual mindset or framework on how to approach graduate, so this is definitely helpful.  Yes, there are roads to degree checklists that show which classes to take, which benchmarks to pass, but how might things be different if we thought about these tasks as part of a larger project that’s more focused on our overall self-edification and contributing to the communities we aim to serve?

    This also got me thinking about the importance self-compassion during the journey.   Of course, you will stumble, lose motivation or whatever the case may be; however, this shouldn’t detract from the fact that you were brave enough to pursue higher education in the first place.  Add that to the fact that you also haven’t given up.  That in itself takes a lot of bravery, and I have to remind myself of that.

    This exam preparation has been a mini-marathon.  The first draft of my bibliographies were trash. No lie. I didn’t even have an introduction or a cohesive theme. However, when I met with my advisor last week she pulled out my first draft and set it next to my most recent one, draft five.  At that point, I couldn’t deny that I’d made significant progress.

    I wasn’t born knowing the ins and outs of labor power. Hell, I hardly knew anything about Marx when I entered graduate school, but that does not determine my self worth. I can learn, and over the past few months, I’ve done just that.

    Here are a few other tidbits I got from the podcasts:

    • Real patience is the capacity to accept, tolerate and to delay disappointment or annoyance without getting angry or upset.
    • Ego is the enemy of your craft.
    • Approach everything you do with the long term in mind.
    • Pursue your dream with reckless abandon (a bit extreme but you get the point).

    So in short, one of the hardest things about getting a degree is the amount of time it takes.  If sticking to something for seven years (on average) was easy then more than 2% of the population would have PhDs (I acknowledge that there are far more systemic and institutional barriers to higher education). It honestly is like running a marathon, and right now, I’m feeling winded, but I’ve come to far not to finish the race.

    Do you all have any tips on keeping your motivation or getting it back when you feel like it’s lost? What do you think about this idea of the marathon mindset and how might it apply to you? 

     

     

  • Mental Health, The Academy

    Back to School Pt. 4: Who you wit?

    bernie macThere are levels to relationships.  Sometimes, we place people in the wrong position because we act from a place of loneliness rather than self confidence. Sometimes, people think they are entitled to a position that they haven’t earned.  Sometimes, people need to ride the bench for the season and others just need to get kicked off the roster.  In all of this, we as individuals are responsible for putting people in their respective places the more we come to recognize who actually deserves our precious time and energy.

    So, in this school journey no matter the level (and in life more generally), it’s of the upmost importance to consider who’s coming with you. In the words of the late Bernie Mac, who you wit?

    People to intentionally bring with you

    You. It seems obvious, but it’s really easy to check out of this whole process because of the constant pressure to essentially be something other than who you are.  I was told my second year that I needed to adopt an in-class persona–I couldn’t make this up.  Honestly, it wasn’t until my fourth year that I started to feel like I was “all there”, and it’s hard because I sometimes would walk into the building, sit in class and would just prefer to disappear.  Bring yourself, your experiences, your language because you are an asset and you deserve to be there.

    Mentors Near and Far. It was actually a mentor who I met at a conference a few years ago who mentioned to me the idea of establishing a squad.  I have mentors in different departments, different schools in my city, across the country and at my fieldsite.  Of course, this takes time to cultivate, but it’s extremely worth it.  No single person can do everything for you–your advisor can’t be your therapist, life coach and academic wizard–so it would behoove you to diversify.  I’ve had a lot of luck meeting mentors through conferences and applying directly to a sub-committe’s mentoring workshop.  I highly, highly suggest this.  I’ve had experiences where it’s just a one time thing, but other times there’s a real connection, and end up with a long-term mentor who you otherwise would not have met.

    Sister Friends. I love my sister-friends. Most of these women are people I met in high school or undergrad, and we’ve stayed in touch since then.  There’s something  special about having people who’ve seen you in so many different situations who can remind you of how far you’ve come and can therefore call you out on your bs.  The majority of these women are either pursuing higher education or are building their careers, so we can share the woes of adulting and get in a good kiki session all at the same time.  An added bonus is that you have somewhere to go when you just need to get away.  Most people are either in the city or on the East Coast, so it’s no biggie to hop on a bus and get away on a random weekend when need be.  With that said, they are all super busy, so keeping in touch with the occasional text or phone call is important.

    A Good Therapist. Therapy has been a really great exercise in helping me think about the things I unintentionally carry–like an invisible knapsack with all of the weight and none of the privilege.  Finding a good person is kind of like dating.  It takes time and patience, but it’s certainly worth it.  This also stands true for working through your issues.  It’s not a quick fix, but it is again, certainly worth it.

    People Who Will Likely Show Up

    The Haters. I truly believe that at some point your enemies will become your footstools, but when that happens, it’s important to handle the situation with grace and humility.  These people may become your colleagues and the world is small.  At some point, the people who did you wrong (for no apparent reason), might realize that you are not their enemy.  Instead of naming what they did wrong and apologizing for their actions, they will find it easier to act as if nothing happened and smile at you when they see you in the computer lab. Smile back. Keep it moving. Repeat.

    The Biters. Academia is not unlike any other profession or experience in every day life;  people will beg borrow and/or steal to get what they want.  Be mindful that there are those who need to be kept at a distance for the sake of protecting your project and your original thinking.  I’ve personally experienced this issue with a peer, and I’ve also heard of this with professors taking the ideas of their students.  Protect yourself and protect your work.

    People to Leave Behind

    The Refuse The most obvious here are people who don’t support you as a student or as a person.  Sometimes, it’s worth a conversation to give them the opportunity to learn how their actions are effecting you.  This works for some people, and with time and firm boundaries, they will adjust.  Others will throw you under the bus and reiterate that since you’ve been in school for the majority of your life, you actually don’t know anything about the real world.  The irony is not lost that this is often coming from people who have no experience with higher education, but I digress……They don’t deserve you and all the greatness that is to become of you.

    So, take an assessment.  Who’s coming with you this year? Do you need to work on expanding your circle or making it a bit smaller? If you are content with who you have close to you, how can you work to strengthen those relationships?

  • Mental Health

    Therapy for Black Girls x Myleik Teele

     

    Enter a caption

    My pretend big sister, Myleik Teele, recently had Dr. Joy Harden Bradford PhD of Therapy for Black Girls as a guest on her My Taught You podcast.  I’m a strong advocate for therapy, individual and group, so when I heard that this collaboration was happening, my inner fangirl perked up.  The way that Myleik so openly talks, snaps, instagrams, etc. about going to therapy and how it has improved her overall quality of life has really been an inspiration for me over the years.

    In terms of content, they hit on how to find a therapist, dealing with difficult family members, establishing boundaries, etc.  Even though a  big portion of it was about romantic relationships–listeners got to submit questions–I still felt like I got a lot out of it. What was great was that while someone may have submitted a question that they thought was only about dating, Dr. Harden Bradford picked up on other possible underlying issues like abandonment and low self esteem.  I also really appreciated how both of the speakers integrated culturally relevant considerations (lack of generational wealth, statistics about Black women’s marriage patterns, etc.) which makes therapy for Black girls a unique and necessary topic that must be explored on it’s own terms rather than thinking about it only in terms of therapy for women or for people of color (just finished reading some Kimberly Crenshaw).

    In addition to Myleik’s podcast, My Taught You, which I’ve been listening to for years (no exaggeration) I’d also highly suggest, the Therapy for Black Girls podcast. Dr. Harden Bradford has recordings about perfectionism, imposter syndrome, and boundaries which would especially be useful to the Academic Muscle crowd but surely her content could speak to other areas of your life.  If you’re interested in starting therapy, sign up for the free resource that she provided by clicking here.

    Once you listen, let me know what you thought.  Encouraged to find a therapist? Still have questions?  Could you love it or leave it?